Archive for October 26, 2007
i am easily influenced by the fluctuation of incidents and emotions happening around me. it affects me in a manner that i cannot control. i can’t pull myself together and say “hey, it’s time to get back to work and studies’. i float according to the direction of my wind. its fancy. my life is unkempt, i’m waiting for someone to drag and direct me. i know fully that i’m capable of handling and organizing things for myself. but it seems like i’ve given up hope on myself. sometimes it happens, this spasm of uncertainty and gloom.
i don’t want to be lonely. going home and then coming back here has an adverse effect on me. i can sit in someone’s room just idling or reading. i just don’t want to be alone. because i day dream, i imagine, i cry. recalling is the hardest, playing scenes of home over and over again is a torment that i cannot escape from.
my comfort recently are these two puppies outside my flat, in the playground. they bite me- in a playful manner. i have scratches and red marks over my arms. i scold them for biting me, because they do not bite the other aunties and uncles who feed them religiously. then it hit me, they bite me because they want to play, they don’t bite the rest because they are not their kind of playmate. in fact, the two puppies don’t even paw their pants with mud nor approach them like how they do to me. i buy them chewies- beef hide. they like it, actually they like fighting over it. i love them to bits because of their doleful eyes, and also because i never really had a dog of my own. adopted ones, yes. but it’s a different feeling.
i have work to do, but my body is telling me to play keen4. i have exceeded more levels than i have previously accomplished. my coordination motor must have improved. kee4 rocks. i’m downloading and searching for games i have played: keen4, quest for glory 1, prehistoric man (still unable to locate. anyone who still has the game, please lend it to me), aladdin… can’t remember what else.
i have finished reading: ‘Honk it you’re a Malaysian’.